A NEW WIFE?

 By Phillip Starr

As the prospective student sat down in my office to inquire about enrolling in class, he said, “I have a herniated disc in my lower back. So is it okay if I don't participate in any of the 'rougher stuff'?” I told him that although I'd be happy to do what I could to ensure that he didn't irritate his condition, he'd have to participate fully. He didn't care for my response...

Another young man said that he didn't have enough money to pay for classes, but he'd happily compensate me by doing various cleaning chores and he asked if we had any kinds of “scholarships” available. I told him that, no, we didn't offer scholarships of any kind. I noticed a pack of cigarettes tucked into his shirt pocket and, being a smoker myself, I knew how much he spent on that habit. I suggested that he use that money to pay for classes instead of smoking. I never saw him again.

I was reminded of an old story about a falconer. Falconry involves the raising and training birds of prey – falcons, hawks, and even eagles – to hunt. It's a very old art that requires a great deal of study regarding the behaviors of these predatory birds, and it demands a lot of discpline and patience to tame them and accommodate their highly strung natures. Falconers typically spend several hours a day with their birds, which is why it was/is an art of aristocrats who can afford to do so. Anyway, the falconer met a fellow who said that he'd love to take up falconry but he was afraid that his wife wouldn't adapt well to having such a fierce-looking predator as a permanent resident of their backyard. What should he do? The falconer turned to him and said calmly, “Get a new wife.”

As Churchill said of our modern civilization, we wish to have so much while expending so little. Kind of like having your cake and eating it, too. Parents want to raise perfect children while simultaneously pursuing careers that prevent them from seeing their offspring for more than a few minutes each day. We have single people who seek to establish deep, lifelong relationships by placing some witty lines on an online dating site. And more pertinently, we have wannabe martial arts devotees who expect to reap the benefits of the martial ways without making any real sacrifice.

The fact is that raising good children requires commitment and many sacrifices. Building a meaningful relationship demands more than just a few cute lines in an ad, and developing real skill in the martial arts requires the same things. Those who think that they can really make any meaningful headway in the martial arts without commitment and sacrifice are just fooling themselves.

Although the falconer's advice was a bit harsh (and probably not serious, either), the point he was trying to make was that an involvement into such a demanding discipline requires some fairly uncommon dedication. The fellow who asked his advice would likely not have to give up his wife, but he'd have to be willing to make some significant changes in his life if he was really serious about taking up the art.

Contrary to popular opinions, not all of the avocations available to us are alike. Many martial arts promoters and teachers offer it up as an interesting pastime – a hobby much like bowling or playing bridge. They suggest that one can slip down to the training hall one or two nights a week and then leave it all there when leaving class – kind of like joining a health club. But the real martial ways and their goals are considerably different. We have nothing like these multifaceted disciplines in the West. They require a very vigorous, demanding physical effort, a dedication to very old and often foreign cultural values, and a willingness to submit to a method of teaching and transmission of knowledge with which we are largely unfamiliar. For instance, simply moving across the floor with a peculiar form of stepping and moving the hips just so requires considerable effort. No one with less than a decade of constant training can even hope to understand the basic concepts involved. And to make matters worse, qualified instructors are still as rare as they've ever been and training may involve some travel.

The aspiring martial artist must consider all of these things, which are quite different from the things he/she would have to consider before joining a gym, softball, or an aerobics class. Martial arts are not pastimes that are ordinary, and neither can be those who want to become involved in them. Those who, for whatever reason(s) are unable or unwilling to give them the time and attention that is required to make them a truly meaningful part of their lives would be better off steering clear of them altogether.

To the fellow who happily spent money on smoking but was unwilling to make an equal investment in gong-fu training, I honestly don't know what to say except that someone with that sense of priorities would likely find that the cost of following the martial way is just too expensive.